A Bunch of Maloney - " I Talked With Henry Ford"

I SPOKE WITH HENRY FORD LAST WEEK…NO, NOT BILL FORD, THE NOW FORD PRESIDENT, OR HIS POP, HANK 2, BUT THE HENRY FORD. (POINT UP) "THE MAN"....NUMERO UNO..THE GUY WHO STARTED IT ALL.

I FIGURE IF EVANGALIST, PAT ROBERTSON, CAN TALK WITH GOD ABOUT THE ELECTIONS, I CAN TALK WITH HENRY FORD. HE'S STILL THE SAME OLD CANTANKEROUS HENRY AND STILL HAS SOME VERY DEFINITE OBSERVATIONS ABOUT AUTOMOBILES.

I CALLED HIM MR FORD..HE CALLED ME BILLY…MY MOTHER STARTED IT AND I CAN'T SEEM TO GET AWAY FROM THAT TAG. MR F SAID THAT HE WAS EXTREMELY BUSY DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST AND ENJOYS MOST….. BATTLING THE UNIONS. IT SEEMS THE ANGELS LOCAL WANTS SOME BIG CONCESSIONS ON VACATION PAY AND CAR ALLOWANCE AND HE WON'T BUDGE.

FORD TOLD ME …"LOOK, I'LL GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF MINUTES, BILLY, BUT IF YOU ASK ME ABOUT THE EDSEL, YOU'RE TOAST." I COWERED AND DECIDED THAT IF I WANTED ANY FORD-ISM'S I HAD JUST BETTER LISTEN AS HE SAID, "AND DON'T ASK ME THAT STUPID QUESTION ABOUT ME SAYING, 'YOU CAN HAVE YOUR FORD IN ANY COLOR JUST AS LONG AS IT'S BLACK'. LOOK, BUNKY, IT WASN'T ABOUT ME BEING CHEAPO. F.Y.I. BLACK PAINT DRIES FASTER THAN ANY OTHER COLOR AND WE WERE POPPING T MODELS OUT OF THE ROUGE PLANT ONE EVERY 40 SECONDS. THEY SURE WEREN'T GOING ANYWHERE IF THE PAINT WASN'T DRY."

I MENTIONED THAT HE WAS FAMOUS FOR THE FIVE DOLLAR A DAY WAGE SCALE THAT WAS UNHEARD OF IN 1910 'CAUSE MOST OTHER WORKERS WERE MAKING HALF THAT AMOUNT. MR FORD SIGHED AND SAID, "THAT SURE AS HECK HAS CHANGED . TODAY A FORD LINE WORKER GETS FIVE BUCKS FOR EIGHT MINUTES OF WORK; MAKES OVER A GRAND A WEEK AT 30 BUCKS AN HOUR; PLUS GETS ALL KINDS OF MEDICAL STUFF AND A PENSION PLAN.

"ANOTHER MISCONCEPTION, BILLY, IS THAT I INVENTED THE AUTOMOBILE. I DIDN'T. SOME KRAUT DID THAT, BUT I FIGURED OUT HOW TO MASS PRODUCE IT. KNOW HOW I GOT THAT IDEA, SONNY? I WAS IN A MEAT PLANT AND I SAW A SORT OF ASSEMBLY LINE WITH THE MEAT ON IT AND PEOPLE DOING A CERTAIN TASK AS THE MEAT MOVED ALONG THE LINE. I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY COOL. SO, I APPLIED IT TO MAKING AUTOMOBILES AND IT WORKED "

I TRIED TO IMPRESS HIM THAT I HAD DONE MY HENRY FORD RESEARCH AND NOTED THAT WHEN HIS FIRST CAR WENT OUT THE DOOR HE HAD 8 EMPLOYEES AND TODAY FORD HAS 350,000 WORKERS, . HE SAID, "YEAH. AND WHEN THAT CAR WENT OVER THE CURB TO A CHICAGO DOCTOR IN '07, I HAD 223 BUCKS IN THE BANK."

I ASKED HIM WHAT HE THOUGHT ABOUT TODAY'S CAR STYLING. HE REPLIED THAT HE ALWAYS FIGURED THE 32 FORD 3-WINDOW COUPE WAS THE CAT'S MEOW. - THAT'S WHAT HE SAID. - HE WENT ON, "STYLING, HECK..I WAS NO DESIGNER - FAR FROM IT. HECK, I EVEN TRIED TO KILL EDSEL'S LINCOLN CONTINENTAL PROJECT."

HE WENT ON, "RACING. NOW, THAT WAS GOOD FOR FORD…SORT OF PUT US ON THE MAP. AND, NO, I NEVER SAID 'IT'S EASIER TO MAKE A FAST SPEEDOMETER THAN A FASTER CAR'." HE WINKED WHEN HE SAID THAT, AND I COULD SEE HE WAS GETTING ANTSY TO GET BACK TO THE NEGOTIATING TABLE.

LAST QUESTION, MR. HENRY. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED FOR? "THAT'S EASY…PUTTING AMERICA ON WHEELS. I MADE CARS THAT PEOPLE COULD BUY FOR $300 DOLLARS AND GO OUT AND SEE THIS WONDERFUL COUNTRY OF OURS...EXPAND THEIR HORIZONS ..SEE RELATIVES THEY'D NEVER SEEN BEFORE. IN A TIN LIZZIE, THEY COULD GO ANYWHERE THEIR HEART DESIRED."

"HEY, I GOTTA SPLIT..THE ANGELS ARE THREATENING TO PICKET THE PEARLY GATES AND I HAVE TO HAVE A SIT DOWN WITH THEM. AND MY BUDDY, TOMMY EDISON, ...YOU KNOW ..THE LIGHT BULB GUY..WANTS ME TO LOOK AT HIS NEWEST INVENTION. CALLS IT A COMPUTER" (SHOULD I TELL HIM….? LATER.)

GOOD BYE, MR. FORD.

I'M BILL MALONEY THERE MAY BE A FORD IN YOUR FUTURE

Bill is a long time contributor at The Auto Channel...he now resides in Hawaii wher ehe is executive producer of the weekly TV show, Ohana Road. you can watch the show right here on The Auto Channel CLICK4 OHANA ROAD at The LA Auto Show.

You can read more from Bill right here on The Auto Channel.