What's 59 years old, smiles at both ends and get younger every day?
Lower your voice, sir, you're mistaken. The Volkswagen New Beetle (its official name) does belong in this magazine. And the Volkswagen Old Beetle (not its official name) most certainly was a sports car.
There will be heated discussion on the latter point, I know. But like virtually everyone old enough for his wife to nag him about clipping his nose hairs, in college I owned an Old Beetle, and despite whatever else Wolfsburg had in mind for this little 36-horsepower sexipede ... I made it a sports car. Driving approximately 3000 vertical feet down twisting and switch-backing Old San Marcos Pass Road to U.C. Santa Barbara each morning, late for my job at the Men's Gym, that Beetle taught me everything I know about opposite-lock car control and driving at eleven-tenths. It was most certainly a "sports car" going downhill-though on the way uphill after pizza and pitchers at Petrini's it magically became a four-seat farm tractor.
I sympathize with your objections to calling a Beetle a sports car, of course. From the outside, it looked to be good for little more than scuttling from cabbage to cabbage, hoping the cat didn't flip it on its back and eat it.
But remember, the father of all Beetles was Dr. Ferdinand Porsche. In the scheme of things, it is surely only a hiccup of history that he chose to put his name on what was initially a very similar automobile, while ducking credit for the immortal Beetle. The good doctor employed the same strategy after the 1939-45 unpleasantness, when, possibly motivated by vengeance, he bestowed upon France the all-too-mortal Renault 4CV.
Now, granted, there could be no confusing my collegiate Beetle with a pur sang sports car like the Austin-Healey 3000 Mk. III my girlfriend had. For one thing, the Beetle started. Similarly, there will be no confusing the New Beetle with the gonzo purity of, say, a 911 Turbo. Yet the New Beetle, not unlike my '56, seems certain to satisfy the sporting needs of vast new generations of cash-strapped enthusiasts. Think of it as an "aspire car" for the Neon Generation. These young lions know that when necessity strikes, a "sports car" may be a sports car only in the eyes of its underfinanced owner. To the world, my '56 was "just a Beetle," but to me, that 36-hp widowmaker out in the carport had the grit of Mulsanne ground into its nose. Its pitted and scarred windshield had been blasted by 24 hours of Daytona's coral sands. It was my "Q" car and my stealth-tech GT I, not to mention, my own tuition-free Bondurant School of High [sic] Performance Driving.
Do we understand each other?
All right, then, let's see what we can make of this New Beetle ... soon to be leaving demon late-braking furrows in the neighbor's front lawn following pitchers and pizza at Petrini's.
Cute As A Mutton
You've looked at the photos already. And very likely you've done what virtually everyone at the 1994 Detroit Auto Show did upon first clapping eyes on the VW Concept One showcar. There are only two possibilities-either you immediately broke into a very broad smile, with maybe just a hint of mistiness in the eye ... or else your ulcer is acting up and smiling only makes it worse.
The production New Beetle, though it's appreciably larger than the Concept One and has now inherited the fabrik's Golf running gear and platform, is spiritually very close to its smash-hit showcar sibling. And jaded as the average automotive journalist can get after hearing the 89th chorus of, here is the new car that will change everything ... the New Beetle plays well to even the toughest houses. A daunting assemblage of over 100 Canadian and American journalists, later joined by hundreds more from Europe, gathered recently for the New Beetle introduction, and in two and a half days I heard only two underwhelmed, statistically inevitable and suspiciously dyspeptic responses to this winsome package. The rest, ulcers and all, were smelling the flowers and celebrating the sweetness of life.
On the road, the New Beetle provokes similarly utopian responses. People stand on the gas and run 95 for a mile to catch up and get a better look. And when they got alongside, they'd all smile and wave as if they saw Ronald McDonald at the wheel. All right, motoring journalists are a peculiar lot, but this time it wasn't us-we'd absent-mindedly left our funny noses back in the hotel.
The truth is, this car is so cute, so infernally-there's only one sappy-sweet word for it, adorable-that there is simply no defense against it. It's the car that Disney, at its slap-happiest, should've built-half toy, half realwagen, and, er, half mobile sculpture. Nominally, the New Beetle is conventionally described as "retro"-but if that is so, why is it that in the traffic flow this car looks like the most aggressively moderne car in sight! Wait until you see your first New Beetle in the flesh and you'll know what we mean. This deliciously integrated shape has struck some ethereal "sweet spot" in the automotive psyche-it is at once nostalgic and ultra-modem ... intensely practical and totally whimsical. I've seen a lot of cars, wonderful, wistful and shameful, make their entrance over the years, but I've never yet seen a vehicle with such instantaneous, irresistible charisma. People love it at first glance-and they are very likely to love you for driving it. That is to say, if you're not fond of braying, back-slapping, lemme-buy-yuh-a-coffee crowd response everywhere you go, you'd best buy a Yugo and something to tow it with.
You can't blame people, really. Practically from its introduction in the U.S., the Volkswagen Beetle has been an automotive icon. No individual car since the Model T has made a deeper impact on the American motoring sensibility. At its highwater mark in the '60s Volkswagen was selling Americans 400,000 Beetles per year-40 percent of the entire import market. Even those who sneered at this homely little car were intensely aware of the statement it made about their bigger, clumsier American cars. For most of three decades, the Beetle was the very definition of all-purpose, reliable, savvy, thrifty-and for us mutants, sporting-transportation.
Interestingly, however, during the same period back home in Germany, the Beetle was accepted but hardly beloved. Rather, it was a symbol of the onerous necessities imposed by West Germany's painful economic struggle to rebuild and redefine itself after World War 11. Germans didn't buy Volkswagens to "make a statement," they bought them because they had no choice, because they couldn't afford anything else.
This stark contrast between our own throbbing present nostalgia for the Beetle and its New sibling, versus Germany's frank ambivalence, has contributed to a startling consequence in Volkswagen's marketing of the New Beetle. At the press showing, Dr. Ferdinand Piech, chairman of Volkswagen and grandson of Dr. Porsche, wasted no time asserting that Volkswagen, fourth largest carmaker, has become a "world" company rather than a strictly "German" company. And to prove his point, he announced that the New Beetle, being built not in Germany but in Mexico, will be sold first in North America-fully six months before it goes on sale in Europe!
At the car's press introduction, the German motoring press was not amused.
Brass Tacks
In initial form, the New Beetle has two core VW Golf engine options, a 2.0-liter inline four and the 1.9-liter TDI turbodiesel. As in countless other ways, the New Beetle powertrain remains furiously faithful to the style and character of its 1939 forebear, with one exception-in the front-engine, frontdrive New Beetle everything is backwards.
In other respects, however, this little car's lineage points straight back to the original pre-WWII "KdF-Wagen" (for the somewhat addled "Kraft durch FreudWagen," or Strength-Through-Joy car). The KdF was notable for its thrifty, reliable, intensely unexciting power. Even in "hot" 1972 Super Beetle form, 60 mph was a long way away over the horizon and patience an essential part of the driving experience.
The New Beetle's powertrain faithfully reproduces those qualities, though in an updated way suitable to the millenium. The 2.0-liter is pleasingly smooth but an otherwise pedestrian package of 115 horspower at 5000 rpm and 122 lb/ft of torque at 2600 rpm. It delivers a top speed of 112 mph and leisurely 0-60 acceleration claimed by Volkswagen at 11.5 seconds. Like earlier Beetle engines, this four-cylinder's power curve is dead flat, delivering little more than heat and noise when run up to the 6500-rpm redline.
Then again, as any enthusiast knows who had a Beetle in the '60s or '70s, a VW in its stock state is just a starting point. All that really matters is what you do to hot it up when you get it back to your carport.
The 1.9-liter TDI turbodiesel package proved to be something of a surprise. At first sight, with only 90 horsepower available at 3750 rpm, it had dawg written all over it ... until you experienced its sturdy 155 lb/ft of torque at 1900 rpm, significantly more than in the 2.0. The diesel's hard-chugging off-the-line performance was strong, and at Interstate speeds its torque pulled away from the gas engine on even a slight incline. Not only that, the turbodiesel was-wait for it, now ... quieter! The gas engine has considerable induction noise and just a generally high level of thrash. Spinning at about two-thirds the gas engine's revs, the diesel is brawny, confident, and with a five-speed transmission will deliver EPA-tested highway mileage of 48 mpg.
Yeah, yeah, you say-only the real Ronald McDonald would claim either of these engines are grist for the enthusiast's mill. True. However, your indulgence in reading this far will be rewarded. In about a year, says Dr. Piech, a glitter in his eye, the New Beetle gets a five-valve turbocharged inline four of 150 horsepower.
Now, then, don't you feel better?
The New Beetle is available with either the aforementioned five-speed manual or a four-speed automatic-but once again, Beetle tradition is strictly observed. If you ever drove one of the '70s Beetle automatics, you know the meaning of "annoyance." In the New Beetle nothing has changed. Its automatic, while advantageous in bumperto-bumper sludge, spreads a very cold, very wet blanket over whatever enthusiasm the stock engine can muster. With a five-speed, the New Beetle is a completely different package-alert, lively, fun.
Keeping All Six Legs On The Pavement
If you believe brute acceleration is the measure of a car, you're of the hot rod/drag racer persuasion-and if you demand good chassis dynamics, you're in the sports car/tea-bagger category.
Us? We'll have more tea, thank you.
And the New Beetle's chassis dynamics are definitely to our tastes-Golf- like, German, confidence-inspiring. Body roll is moderate, and though we weren't in driving conditions where ultimate grip could be investigated, from what we experienced we would expect solid, commuterwagen-ish moderate understeer.
Somewhat unexpected, however, was the amount of grip available. The several versions of the New Beetle we drove all had sticky, large Goodyear RS 205/55R16s. Like my '56, this New Beetle may not be a sports car climbing uphill, but coming down ... put on your Nomex.
Add the coming five-valve turbo, then let the canyon racers work their magic, and this car is going to combine roominess and practicality with some wizard lap times.
Touchy-Feelie
Climbing in, the first thing that strikes you is the vast distance to the base of the windshield-it stretches off to the horizon like the frontal wasteland of the late and unlamented GM "dust-buster" minivan. This is cab-forward gone to the wall, and the initial reaction is discomfort. You could misplace both of the twins up there. Yet this car is just full of psychological tricks, one of which is that, miraculously, after only a short drive ... you forget all about the dashboard. End of subject.
From that moment on, everything inside the new Kafer-German for, beetle-is slick, modeme, altogether swell. An enormous single oval in the dash, reminiscent of the old Bug, encloses the instrumentation, including an oversized speedo, and at the bottom, an undersized tach and small analog fuel gauge. In addition, you'll find an odometer and trip odometer, and when reality hits the wall, idiot lights to tell you where your New Beetle hurts.
In the middle of the dash is an extraordinarily simple display controlling the audio system and the HVAC system. Air conditioning is standard, by the way, as is a good-quality AM/FM cassette anti-theft stereo with six speakers and truly Wagnerian authority. The stereo is also pre-wired to accept a dealer-in stalled, optional CD changer.
The seats are splendidly German. Though manual, they are extremely easy to adjust, even crank up or down vertically, and they slide forward effortlessly on ball bearings to allow rear-seat access. The seats are well bolstered for good support and feel almost hard, at first. But that seeming hardness, common in BMW and Mercedes seats, translates to anti-fatigue comfort even after many hours in the saddle. Interior options include heatable front seats (in combination with heated windshield washers); a leather-wrapped three-spoke wheel, shift knob and handbrake cover; leatherette or leather seating surfaces; and one-touchup/down power windows with remote open and close, operated through the remote central locking system. You can also opt for a power glass sunroof, ABS brakes, Halogen projector lens front foglamps, really interesting looking "studio" six-spoke alloy wheels and cruise control.
Otherwise, the standard is a remarkably complete package. Thanks to the use of plastic front fenders and fully galvanized body panels, it boasts an enormous 12-year unlimited rust-through warranty, as well as a 10 year/100,000 mile limited powertrain warranty. Its standard equipment includes disc brakes, dual front airbags, central and remote locking with panic alarm, heatable power mirrors, an anti-theft alarm system, gas-charged rear shocks, an aluminum steering wheel and handbrake lever, two power outlets, illuminated vanity mirrors, a valet key, not two but three front cupholders... and probably more vertical front-row headroom than in any automobile of the last 30 years. (Thanks to the round, sloping rear roofline and the uncomfortably upright rear seatback, bleacher-seat headroom is adequate for short adults, um ... on short trips.) And sinking to the utterly mundane, the New Beetle even has a reasonably roomy trunk. With the huge rear hatch open and the rear shelf folded up for good access, the Kafer will hold 12 cubic feet.
Perhaps the New Beetle's most winsome and symbolic feature of all, however, is located on the dash right before your eyes. Looking the long Beetle heritage square in the eye, VW has furnished a standard dash-mounted bud vase, ready and waiting for the happiest little bloom your garden can produce.
Say Goodnight, Ferdinand
Okay, the New Beetle is not a sports car, nor was the Old Beetle. But in this imperfect world, some of us are forced to make do with what mom says we can have when we go to college. This truth accounted for no small part of the 400,000 Beetles Volkswagen used to sell annually a few decades back.
So a very large segment of graying Boomers, myself included, have a particularly fond feeling for that rudimentary little flat-four. The mission of the New Beetle is to recapture that same good-natured, nostrings mood in a car that makes real, practical sense today.
Unless you have some very personal grudge against the Old Beetle, seeing your first New Beetle beezle-ing past will be an event. The car combines the complex range of traits expressed in that emotive Spanish word, simpatico. It is friendly, attractive, trustworthy and, well..."nice." Yes, even at the car loan office. During its extraordinarily short development cycle, VW spent a parsimonious $560 million bringing the New Beetle to Main Street. If $560 million doesn't sound so parsimonious to you, we understand. But for a truly parsimonious $15,200 ($16,475 for the TDI diesel), you can park a New Beetle in your carport. Then out come the shop rags and wrenches ... and the fun begins.
In initial form, the New Beetle has two core VW Golf engine options, a 2.0-liter inline four and the 1.9-liter TDI turbodiesel. As in countless other ways, the New Beetle powertrain remains furiously faithful to the style and character of its 1939 forebear, with one exception-in the front-engine, frontdrive New Beetle everything is backwards. 
Perhaps the New Beetle's most winsome and symbolic feature of all, however, is located on the dash right before your eyes. Looking the long Beetle heritage square in the eye, VW has furnished a standard dash-mounted bud vase, ready and waiting for the happiest little bloom your garden can produce.