IF IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR GMAC...

By Rick Carlton - PRRACEwire for The Auto Channel

Given the recent business conversion of GMAC’s status from consumer financing company to “holding bank,” able to tap Troubled Assets Relief Program (TARP) money at will, maybe Larry Flynt of Hustler, and Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild, should have the ability to experience similar federal financial protection for the porn industry. After all, as former California gubernatorial candidate, and porn-party Queen Mary Carey recently opined, the sex industry is a multi-billion dollar business segment, and current reductions in DVD sales are creating a serious problem for production companies in Southern California, and beyond.

Since the same logic that offered Federal sustenance to GMAC, (who was entirely solvent when the business status conversion occurred, still valuing itself at $13.5 billion, even though the company wrote down $2.5 billion for FY 2008), it would seem similarly logical to offer help to the $13.3 billion dollar sex industry, because that clearly ain't a simple roll in the revenue stream (and the industry does pay some $35 million in Federal Taxes annually).

Having said that, however, I also believe that, should the porn industry be able to secure the requested support, they should also experience the same type of “oversight” that GMAC faces. Furthermore, the same kinds of emergent merger pressures that our Federal Hustlers, uh, sorry Larry - lawmakers, are placing on the Executives Gone Wild on Wall Street and the Big Three, along with it's constituent business units, should also be applied to Messers. Flynt, Francis and their "executive" brethren.

After all it's only fair, and in the event of an agreement, here's an idea for all parties involved. Our Federal lawmakers, The Big Three, GMAC, AIG, major bank/securities firms, (who have slurped up our tax dollars while offering no viable advantage to Americans), and leveraged by the porn industry as a public relations mechanism (because lets face it folks, the sex trade produces the most efficient PR machines in the world) should be made to merge themselves into one big National Screw Job. Think about it, Nancy Pelosi and Jenna Jameson doing girl-girl public service announcements on prime-time TV, GMAC "spreading" interest rates for its emergent "hybrid" Chrysler products (customers are offered straight, gay, or "what-evvver" variants), and Merrill offering new kinds of "bi-$exual" securities programs, based on any US public company's at-will ability to flip higher customer interest rates, or equally reduce dividends, all lead by a new ad campaign that trumpets, "We're Here For You - Just As Long As You Get Schtuped", hey, I'm telling you, it could be great!

My favorite, however, is a potential collaboration between Larry Flynt as Obama's Press Secretary, and Joe Francis as the Official Videographer for Congress and the US Senate - now that would be something to see. Anyone for popcorn?